Ass. #89: How much should I give my secretary for the holidays?

Ass #45: The rule of thumb is to multiply your seniority year by $100. So in my case, as a third-year, I give my secretary $300.

Ass. #89: That’s crazy! I don’t even spend that much on my girlfriend.

Ass. #45: Girlfriends come and go…but hell hath no fury like a secretary scorned!