Paine: Associates, the firm is launching a parental leave plan for new pet owners. We know fur babies need as much love and care as human babies. So we’re giving 4 weeks paid leave to associates who have a new dog or cat.

Ass. #70: But what about rabbits? My rabbit is also my fur baby.

Paine: Hmm, I guess we can include rabbits…

Ass. #37: And pet snakes?

Ass. #65: Tarantulas?

Ass. #89: If I get 5 goldfish, is that 5 paid leaves per fish?

Ass. #14: Do mice count? I think my apartment is infested.

Paine: No, no…The plan covers domesticated mammals only…

Ass. #50: Check your mammal privilege!