Schmidt: We have three associates up for partner this year. Associate #35 is technically proficient but has the social skills of a fermented eggplant. Associate #61 is a workhorse but would lose a debate with a parking meter. Associate #27 turned out to be a top performer. No complaints.

Balz: But Associate #27 is a heterosexual white male.

Schmidt: So?

Balz: As your diversity coordinator, I strongly advise against promoting heterosexual white males.

Paine: A peer firm just promoted a disabled black Muslim transgendered lesbian. Where can we get an associate like that?

Balz: Those can be special ordered from Amazon.