Ass. #33: I’m cutting out early to go to my Yoga class. If any of the partners call me, can you tell them I’m in a meeting?

Secretary: Sure, hon. My fee for reporting alternative facts is $100.

Ass. #33: That is highway robbery!

Secretary: Take it or leave it.

Ass. #33: What alternative fact can I get for, like, $20?

Secretary: I can tell the partners you’re doing a #2 because you ate a bad burrito at lunch.

Ass. #33: Fine. Here’s $100.

Secretary: Run along now…You don’t want to be late for your meeting!